This morning was the first time since leaving my weekend job that I was able to sit on the deck in the cool morning air, enjoying the sunshine, listening to the bumble bees drone lazily among the early summer flowers. Hummingbirds were arguing over the pot of sweet nectar that we hung out for them; they eventually worked out their differences. The scent of wild roses mingled with the aroma of bacon and spinach pie coming from the kitchen, a surprisingly pleasant marriage.
This morning I woke up at 3-something and couldn’t fall back to sleep. So I got up, cleaned up the hairball the cat left for me, made tea, powered up the MacBook and did a little reading. In among some words on karma on the Self-Realization Fellowship blog was the following passage:
“You have no alternative but to learn to love your duty. Then it becomes easy. If you do not love something, and yet you do it, it creates a division in your mind, and gives you stress. Learn to create love toward your duties. It can be done.
“This is called human skill, human effort. Grace dawns when you have completed your human efforts. Therefore, do your human efforts with love. Learn to love.”
Do I love my job? Some days yes, most days no. Do I love to clean toilets and floors and do laundry? Most assuredly no. Do I love to take care of myself? I am almost ashamed to say that I do not. I routinely put myself last on the list, as somehow, I have assigned myself less worth than those around me. This needs to change.
So, as I sat in the brilliant sunshine with my eyes closed this morning, I resolved to put myself on an equal footing with those around me. I resolved to start loving to take care of myself. I also resolved to learn to love the mundane tasks of my daily life, and to cultivate a sense of gratitude for my life. So, this morning I am grateful for:
- A difficult student who is teaching me about what it means to be afraid.
- The discomfort that pervades my life and the ability to come up with a plan for change for ME, not for THEM.
- A husband who loves me so much that he made me toast with jam.
- Ears that can hear, eyes that can see and a heart that can love.
- A place to sit and be quiet and listen to the song of creation.
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“We need to find God and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees flowers, grass – grows in silence. See the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence. We need to be silent to be able to touch souls.” – Mother Teresa