The past few weeks have been ones of ambivalence. Excitement about the future combined with sadness over that which is ending. Many activities that have been the mainstays of my daily life have come to an end, or are coming to an end soon. My weekend job as church organist ended a few weeks ago (my decision). My years as a Girl Scout leader – finished Monday night. My years encouraging and helping my daughter with her school work – finished last Saturday with her graduation as valedictorian from high school. The months spent writing letters, sending EMail and making phone calls to New York politicians – ended last week with the signing into law of New York’s marriage equality law. I am looking at the future and it looks sort of – empty.
I had a tarot reading last week. Never one to discount the wisdom of other faiths, I was curious what the reading would show about my daughter, my mother and I. I actually laughed out loud when Akasha’s Heart flipped over the Death Card as the issue that “crosses” me. That is to say, the issue that is my challenge. Now, it is vital that you all know that the Death card doesn’t mean physical death (that’s reserved for the 10 of Swords), but rather new beginnings. Since so much change is going on around me, how I handle that change is my biggest challenge right now. Dang if she wasn’t right on the money!
How SHOULD I handle all the newness around me? What should I do now that my active participation is no longer required with either my daughter or my other girls, my scouts? How do I begin to relate to my husband now that Louise will be moving to college in less than two months? How should I restructure my life now that I have all this free time? Should I volunteer somewhere? Should I go back to school? Should I start a business? Should I get a hobby? Should I get a second job again? Should I move?
I have so many questions that I have no answers for yet. As the answers become apparent, I’ll move forward. In the mean time, I’m pondering the hobby question. What can I fill my extra time with right now that doesn’t involve eating, drinking, or a combination of the two?
A friend of mine makes kitchen scrubbies out of net bags – the kind you buy onions in. She cuts the bags into strips and crochets them into little kitchen and bath cleaning pads. Maybe I could do that with plastic grocery bags – I have a huge collection of grocery bags that I’ve been saving in the event of nuclear war. Maybe I could crochet something out of them – how about a scale model of the White House?
I know how to sew and I have a lot of fabric down in the sewing area of the basement. Maybe I should make a patchwork quilt. Given the amount of fabric I have, I could make a REALLY big one – big enough to cover Central Park – or I could make smaller ones. I can probably squeeze 437 quilts out of what I have – maybe 438. 438 might be a stretch, though.
Beads! I have beads! Lots and lots of beads. I bought beads. Louise bought me beads. My mother gave me beads. My husband gave me beads. Maybe I should make a beaded dress for my sister’s wedding. It might be a wee bit too heavy, though. I have enough beads to make a dress the size and weight of a Volkswagen Beetle. Hmmm. Maybe not such a good idea.
What about… reading! Now there’s a good idea. We have a library in our house. There are so many books that I had to put the non-fiction in Dewey Decimal order so I could find what I was looking for. No lie! What if I start at one end and read all the books I haven’t read before (and the ones I have and want to reread)? If I started today, I might get through them all by the time Louise becomes a great grandmother… Hmmm… I’d have to take bathroom breaks, so I might not get through it all. Next idea…
Maybe … cleaning?? NAH!!! Now there’s a waste of time. Although my husband did buy me a Donna Reed-style strand of pearls last Christmas. Think he was trying to tell me something?
Well, until I figure something out, I’ll continue along cooking for friends and family, doing household chores, pondering the meaning of life and enjoying my summer with family. Maybe I don’t need a hobby after all. After all, couldn’t reading the latest and greatest novel in the hammock be considered a hobby?
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